


Dangerous

by Stuckasmainwrites



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: AU, Bill and Teds excellent adventure, Cannon Divergence, F/M, M/M, Marko is bills great uncle lmao, post cannon, vamp!Bill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:02:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29913864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stuckasmainwrites/pseuds/Stuckasmainwrites
Summary: Being a vampire sucks! Being a vampire in California sucks harder! Recently turned Vampire , Bill turns to his best friend for help. It’s a race before Bill ultimately snaps and he REALLY doesn’t wanna kill a dude.
Relationships: Elizabeth/Ted "Theodore" Logan, Ted "Theodore" Logan/Bill S. Preston Esq.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Dangerous

**Author's Note:**

> I did it I joined the dark side lmao  
> This is purely for fun and it was suddgested of me

Being a creature of the undead SUCKS. It especially sucks if your in California! Especially for a Californian Valley boy turned vampire, sun sun sun sun. It sucks! He can’t do all the stuff he loves anymore either. What’s the point in even having a pool in his backyard if he can’t use it except at night?! No pool.... no waterloo... no practicing driving in the convertible, no skateboarding or ice cream melting in the sun. No trips to the beach, no sunrise, no sun set, no garlic bread (he’s SUPER bummed about that one- he hadn’t tried but no chances.) No school or jam seshes before it, he can’t use the mirror- he doesn’t even know what he looks like! No doing his hair or looking Most excellent in his attire. He could still sleep in until late into the afternoon but when he HAS to it’s kinda a total bummer!! Being undead sucks! He doesn’t breathe or use the restroom, he can eat but it just doesn’t taste the same. He is cold. Like ALL the time, even in his jacket and under six blankets it did nothing to help, scratch that, next plan. He is cold, so cold, so tired- he hasn’t felt his heart beat in at least a month and that is FREAKY dude like majorly scary. He hates being a vampire! The most eminent of all his problems. No more Ted... he couldn’t... he didn’t know what he’d do. How bad is that! He can’t even see his best friend of all time (literally!). Bogus! 

Bill S. Preston has been sick for a month now, rumors started at san Dimas high that he probably had the plague or something. The weirder thing was that Ted had no idea what was going on, the two always knew what was going on with each other. Bill had convinced his dad and Missy to let him stay home, he had taken some slight inspiration from ferris bueller, the absolute mastermind of faking being sick. Well... he was sick wasn’t he? It was some sort of disease. His skin seamed paler, his eyes sunken in this weird way that made him look that he didn’t sleep a good days sleep in his life. His skin was cool, almost clammy, to the touch, it seriously freaked Missy out when she took his temperature. “AC probably broke again.” He shrugged making a small smile awkwardly in her direction. Missy’s long blond curls pulled back in a scrunchie , soft pink eyeshadow and a baby pink low cut tank top. Did she SERIOUSLY need to dress like that? The teen squirmed a little pointing up to the vent, she pouted “... you may be right, it is chilly in here.” She stood, grabbing her things. “You get some rest alright honey?” She hummed on her way out. “Alright mis- mom!” He grinned giving a small thumbs up as the door closed. Sick. He was totally sick, he looked sick, he felt sick, he sounded sick. Vampire. Wow. He wasn’t sick he was dead! After that his parents didn’t really bother him to insure he was sick, they believed it! It was hard, for the first couple weeks , not to call Ted and let him know what was up. It was more heinous of him, he knows. 

“Bill?!” Ted’s voice rang though the living room, the boy was let in by Mr. Preston. He thought it would be good to have his friend around, cheer him up a little you know? “Cmon dude, your leavin’ me hanging.” Ted smiled Brightly, that sweet confused little smile standing outside his door , covered in street signs and stickers. He knocked again before just letting himself in, this was Bill after all. “Bill?” He echoed, the room seamed empty. Wait, he knows- hes just hiding! It’s been forever since they did something like that. Ted snooped around bill’s room, the empty chip bags on the floor, his mouthwash bottle and cassette tapes- he had a decent collection and HATED when anyone touched them reorganizing his system. Huh still nothing, if he didn’t pop out at that he wouldn’t at anything. “This is MOST unfair, I come out for you.” He whined, still believing this a game. The closet! Of corse! He smiled head tipping to the side “dude.” He chuckled. Closer to the closet still the metal head slides open the closet doors to- holy shit! Bill, was hanging upside down from the top shelf his eyes closed, arms crossed over his chest- total Dracula!! “woah!” Ted shouted, the short blond’s eyes snap open he falls straight on his head onto the carpet. “Awhahhhh!” He screams. “OW dude...” bill whined rubbing his head, he’s gonna bruise isn’t he? “What were you doing hiding in there? “ “I was practicing Gymnastics, I took it once as a kid remember?” He added taking the others hand to stand up, a little loopy. “Oh yea.” He nodded like a bobble head. Ted’s nose curls up a little bit “Aw dude you smell horrible!” He took a step back, sitting down on the bed giving it a little bounce. “Hey!” “You do!” 

“Where have you been anyway? People at school think your dead dude. And I told them your not dead and you woulda told me.” Ted points out. “You would tell me you’re a zombie right?” 

“I’m not a Zombie ted.” He sighed rolling his eyes slightly. “I’ve just .... I got this weird feeling man.” He shook his hand hands over his chest unsure how to explain it properly. 

Ted frowned softly, giving another small bounce on the bed patting it his knee’s , it helped him think sometimes. “Well...” he paused. “You wanna go bowl a round? Or grab a bite? It usually makes you feel better”. He added with a hopefully smile. 

Bill beamed at the idea of going out with Ted again hanging out “while that is a well founded proposition My most Astonishing colleague.” Ted nods happily, a small blush. “ I’m gonna have to take a raincheck , I can’t just...” he inches towards the windows slowly peeling back the blinds shrinking down to hide from some invisible lasers or something. No lasers. No sun. “But why?” Poor ted, he didn’t deserve this. He sighs slicking back his curls. “Nothing dude, I told you I was actin’ funny.” He admits, the others arm wrapped around his shoulder “that is why you NEED this dude. Trust me”. He smiled. Where would he be without the other? Besides bowling was inside... it was night... he was totally safe! 

🎵  
Don't you know she's coming home to me?  
You'll lose her in the turn  
I'll get her, ah!

Panama

Panama

Panama

Panama 🎵

Bill changed the radio station “woah! Woah keep it!” Ted leans his head though the same gap the blond was slipped though. The two sharing the back seats of Missy’s convertible. For once allowed to choose the music. “Careful boys, I’m trying to drive!” She whines.

-

The two stood outside leaned against the wall bathed in the red light of the gigantic BOWL sign. “Hey Bill?” “Yea ted?” “What is going on with you?” He asked bluntly turning the others face a pale red. “You haven’t been showing up at school..., we haven’t been practicing and you- ya haven’t even told me what’s going on? Dude!” Ted cried, crestfallen. 

Bill bit his lip shifting his arms, he was wearing nothing new , one of his old Bon Jovi shirts he made into a crop top- naturally it was uneven and a little jagged around the edges, he had a forest green Flannel tied around his waist, the same scribbled white converse. He would write on his clothes during class scribbling on his jeans, a game of tic tac toe, a question mark or just marks from where he forgot to close his pen. Ted sometimes let him write on his clothes or would do something for him,he never quite paid attention in class... he never really did he had a problem. The only class he was ever really good at was english- which was weird... as he is NOT good at spelling. He was at reading and picking up random facts like Captain Ahab , scout finch, Romeo and the sweet Babe Juliet. Ted wore a golden colored sweatshirt, shorts and sweatpants- he always liked to layer his clothing rather then just wear and shirt and be done with it. Another game of tic tac toe on his shoes, black converse and missing laces (currently attached to his one jacket.), his hair was still relatively long it covered his face half the time making him look like a sheep dog that loves rock and roll. Bill sighed running his fingers down his face “ I haven’t been entirely honest with you...” he sighed. “Is this like the time with the peanut butter and The-“ “ shut up ted!” Bill snapped quickly, his face bright red. “No man! This is serious business...” he sighs, digging his shoes into the concrete.

He has to tell him, quick and easy just like ripping off a bandaid! Work yourself up and yank hard screaming at the wall, yea. Got it. “Your right , I haven’t been honest and that is totally uncool of me.” He admitted turning around to face the other, Ted nodded in obvious agreement. How to word this? “Remember when we saw... Fright night? N’ that other one with the bikes n’ the blood.” The other nodded, head to the side confused. “I’m onea those...” he sighed running his fingers down his face again. “I’m a total Dracula dude!” He revealed. “Woah!” The other exclaimed taking a step or so back looking the other up and down again, checking taking note. He missed the sunken in eyes, the way he seamed to glow faintly in the dark- the bruise on his neck... which at first maybe it was a hickey or something but now it started to make more sense. Total bite Mark. “Cool.” He made a small chuckle. Bill looked shocked at this “no ted. Not cool! Definitely not cool!!” He yelled. How could?! Why was?! At least he wasn’t screaming and running away... that He couldn’t handle. 

“What makes it uncool? Vampires can fly, they can turn into things, they live like forever.” Ted started counting his reasons on his hand as they started walking towards the circle K it wasn’t that far from the plaza. “Your forgetting one thing my Astute Comrade.” “What’s that?” “I have to eat people dude...” bill trailed off staring down ignoring the brightly lit store fronts of the thrift mart, KFC and nail salon. “Aww gnarly.” Ted’s face scrunched up. “Exactly.” He pointed back to the other, continuing. “I don’t want to have to kill people Ted, I don’t even like squashing spiders! It’s gross and it gets everywhere and ... these aren’t spiders, these are regular dudes. They didn’t do anything to me.” He sighed. “What about bad guys?! Sorta like a anti hero situation?” “Where am I just going to find bad guys ted? Besides... good or bad I don’t think my morals would let me...” he sighs. Curse being raised to know murder is bad! Wow. He’s bummed he can’t murder people, he never thought he would be stuck in this situation. Ted frowned, feeling bad for the shorter friend and wanting to help him out, he didn’t like seeing him bummed. He also didn’t really like the idea of Bill having to kill people, it could look cool like something out of a movie of a album cover! But morals.. that too. “Yea....” He sighed brushing his jet black locks from his eyes for the third time that minute. “Bogus.” They huffed in unison.

They sat together on the curb knees bent and spread frog style, ted was with a slush and his choice cup of noodles, Bill with a equally delicious slush and a small bag of chips. It wasn’t near as filling as he thought it would be, staring down at the bag of cape cod chips, there was a rumble in his stomach. Something more then his usual case of the munchies. Bill focused himself on the slushee, a vibrant red wild Cherry flavor, look cherry is the best flavor of anything he’ll tell you that. If his body was cold his mouth was sub zero, he could feel himself dropping- this was no usual sugar high. Again his stomach gargles in pain, crying out it hasn’t eaten in weeks, like he hadn’t just guzzled down a bunch of snacks. The world wobbled, neon lights and the bright lights over the gas pumps swirled together the world was a poster that refused to release the hidden image. It came in waves, blinking- Ted. A shaggy blurr in the lights just as swirled as everything else, there was this faint drum beat a slow build up- like there was a expectation of a good baseline to follow. No... no the drumming was constant, rapid? It’s not a drum at all... it’s a heartbeat! “You ok man? Your holding on pretty tight?” Ted asked, prompting the blond to stare down- he was grasping Ted’s hand so tightly he was afraid he may crush it. Panic rose though him, he let go the two inched away from each other and pretended to look in different directions. Another moment of many that never happened, not if you ask either of them that is. “I’m fine.” He responded horsely, sounding like a old smoker. “Aw, good.” The other beamed, that cute supportive little grin. He didn’t notice his smile, his concern , his body language. He watched the other hunch over on the curb blowing on his cup of noddles. He scarfed them down like someone would take them if he stopped to breathe, Bill’s eyes remain transfixed on the other’s neck. How it moved as he ate, how the veins beneath his skin pulsated and moved, wiggling, begging for him to come closer. Just a little nip, a little bite a little taste... right? Just a little is all he needs man just a little and- he was sweating like a dog, beaded his forehead, started at his pit’s his tongue just poking though his lips. One small bite. Yelling, Bill Longed at the other, at that moment the other slacker stood up , yelling the same “I got it!” As ted declared this, Bill ate shit hard falling flat on his face. “Blood banks dude- it’s like a free supply!” This idea was only achieved after seeing the red Cherry drip from the others lips. “Bill?” 

Bill shifted himself up to a blanking position feeling his chin wet with blood, corse with gravel. Great he was bleeding! He was bleeding..., without much control He lapped the liquid off of his fingers like a stray. The skin in his chin already began to heel, sinking and graphing again the bleeding had stopped- it was like skipping a scab all together and just- pink. “Ted, that is a fantastic idea!” He leaped upright, rejuvenated. They both gave a little excited wiggle At this. “We just go in there and ask- I don’t need to kill and you have nothing to worry about- everything will be back to normal in no time!” He jumped a little wildly excited, he may be able to have some sort of normal life again with this!! “Excellent!” The boys shouted together shredding on their air guitars, the noises made by them of corse mumbling under their breath. Getting never noticed stares from those who walk by. 

-

The first time they tried didn’t exactly work. See the Red Cross - is for sick people- not exactly two teens offering to buy blood for undisclosed, possibly satanic reasoning. What was with adults and going to satan first as a explanation to everything that freaked them out? Rock music, metal, eyeliner, black clothes, existing- their music in the middle of the night. They really need to mellow out. Plan B. What is plan B? “Hey Bill?” “Yeah?” The blond asked, biting on the end of the pen cap looking down at the empty notebook page. “What is plan B?” “That’s what we’re trying to figure out dude.” The other gave a bounce on the trampoline “right!” He smiled pointing to the other. 

“What’s something... that they like? That’d get us on their list?” Bill asked tapping the pen against the pad.

“Hurricanes?” 

“We’re inland.” 

“Floods.”

“This is California...” 

“We could try to poor angle, Ted! Try your puppy eyes.” He pointed to the other male, who was still bouncing. Ted gave a soft little look , his eyes large and tear filled head cocked to the side. A triple threat! “Ahh! To powerful!” Bill cried shielding his eyes, taking a dramatic dive on the bed. “Join me!” Ted cried “never!” Bill shrieked, their planning turned into yet another reenactment of star-wars. Giggling like school girls they messed around, it ended with Bill hovered overtop of Ted pinning him down into the plush carpet. He was trying to be serious, but this smile poked at the corner of his lips , it was going to be some big moment - it struck again. Just as ted was about to mumble his lines, the hunger struck again in waves his focus was lost the words became little, his eyes passed to Ted’s neck again. Watching his veins bulge, move with blood. There was little thought, he felt himself dipping down closer to the others neck- he felt, heard the others pulse quicken, the heat radiating off of his body. 

Bill’s grip on the others hands becomes something of iron, pinning him, for real now down to the ground. He felt him struggle, say something in that half panicked and confused sign of worry. He didn’t pay attention, his lips part as he inches ever closer to his neck. Fangs slowly grow though his gum’s peaking out beneath his lips, his eyes have this iridescent glow to them. “Billll...” Ted squirmed confused and frightened, he was kinda into it at first but now this is getting weird! “Relax dude.” He snapped back, licking his teeth taking note in the change. Just a small bite. 

“Bill! Ted!” Missy’s voice rang putting a stop to Bill’s vampiric change. His face seamed to revert inward like it never happened, a confused blank expression. “Uhhh.... yea?!” “Ted’s dad called, it’s getting late! You boys should say goodnight!” She called. Right! Shit! Bill immediately let go seeing himself holding the other in such a way he held up his hands standing up, holding out his hand helping ted up. “I-I’m..” they both didn’t say anything for a few minutes. “You REALLY need that blood my Most Carnivorous compadre.” Ted mumbled stepping away to grab his bag, he wasn’t all that bothered but it was clear he was a bit frightened. Terrified! He scooped up his back back digging though it, tossing a pudding back back to the blond “it’s not blood but... it should hold you over at least?” He smiled weakly half out the door. “Later dude.” “Later.” Bill squeaked.

Heinous! Most heinous! Bogus! Utterly abominable! Bill laid back on his bed while his head became a dictionary for all words horrible, after awhile he was just mumbling “shit.” Out loud. He almost ate Ted! TED!! The pudding did alright but it still didn’t help all that much, he needed something more... bad guys... Ted said bad guys right? Captain Logan was a- no! Bad William! That’s Ted‘s dad Dude! No matter how totally bogus he is. Bank robber? Murderer? Where’s he going to find a murder’er? Bill slipped his flannel on and threw a cap on over his hair, perfect disguise and slipped out his window into the early morning San Dimas streets. He needed to eat someone- and he needed to do it fast. Please be someone bad please be someone bad please be someone bad he prayed.

\- 

The next night they worked stood, cramped together in the Preston’s laundry room, Bill bent over the washer scrubbing hard at a stain on his pants. “ you gotta get yourself together dude.” Ted added, watching the other scrub, currently sitting on the dryer. “Shut up ted.” “You ATE a guy! Like what did it feel like? Was it all creepy like in the movies when they-“ he was making rather depict and violent gestures with his hands. “Shut up Ted!” Bill snapped again, feeling his stomach drop. He didn’t completely remember the night before, he didn’t really want to either, but the news coverage of some crime scene did not make him feel any better!! “Sorry.” Ted smiled lightly shrinking back. “But yea... we need to figure out that something fast. We can’t get the blood without someone who’s sick.” “And we can’t actually get someone sick...” “exactly.” “You know... maybe we could take it? Missy probably has a BUNCH of extra makeup.” Ted added. Bill drifted off “she does it litters the counters of their bedroom and it smells really good...” he trailed. Gross! Gross! Stop! Ted chuckled “I could probably get Deacon to do it, you have five dollars?” Bill stood up grabbing his wallet from his back pocket thumbing though the bit of cash he had, it kept growing. His dad would pay him for chores and for literally just leaving the room, it was disgusting there was not one room where- he bites his lip and hands over the cash, ted pockets it. “This has GOT to work.” They both had that much agreed. 

The three boys slid into the local pharmacy, which was holding one of those blood drives for the Red Cross, lucky them! They had spent two straight hours making sure Deacon looked sick sick, red on the nose and under the eyes rubbing it in real good and blending. Missy helped them out with that part, she said she used to pull a trick like that all the time. What didn’t she? Spray bottle sweat, blow dryer fever. Bill took the thermometer from deacons mouth “hotter.” , The other Metal head gave a small salute Turing the dryer up another two notches. Deacon, sighed rolling his eyes as they did this, he knew this wasn’t going to work. He knew they would be turned away or directed to the doctors almost instantly. However $5 was $5 , just for the trouble he should ask for another five and make it a even ten. 

Sure enough what the middle schooler predicted had came to pass. He didn’t ask what they needed the blood for , he didn’t ask about the weird coolness to Bill’s skin or why him. He just took his $10 and walked back to the arcade. “Well shit.” The boys huffed staring out at the parking lot , dotted with cars at the nearly night hours. “Now what Ted? It’s totally irremediable!” He cried, dragged into the arms of the taller boy for a familiar bear hug. He rested his head on the others shoulder, taking a heavy breath. Hopeless! “Don’t worry Bill, I’m sure there will be a most satisfactory end to this upsetting dilemma.” He smiled, always so hopeful. “Yea...” the blond sniffed and nodded. “Yea!” The two stepped away from each other , again fixing themselves like the hug never happened or it was casual. They looked each other up and down with the same dorkish grins. Where would they be without each other? “Idea!!!” Ted screamed bouncing up and down with excitement. The smaller teen jumped startled. “Do tell.” “You’ll see.” He grinned slipping back into the building “stay here, I’ll be right back!” 

Bill sat on the curb his legs sticking out into the fire lane, drumming on his thighs waiting for the other. What if they couldn’t do it? What if he just kept... eating people? Drinking blood like it’s a cherry slushee night after night. No school, no sun, no waterloo, no wyld stallyns, no ted. He’d have to skip town, change his name- no San Dimas and no Bill s. Preston esquire. It wasn’t unfamiliar for people to go missing in his family, it was almost like a curse. He still remembers the story of his Great uncle that went missing when his grandma was like super young... Marcus, Marko, something like that. Maybe he could skip town and disappear? As he weighs his options , Ted returns and the thought completely leaves his head. The taller boy was a bit wobbly at first but he soon got ahold of things. The shorter rushes to his side looking down at the bag “what’d you do dude?” 

They walked a bit up the road and went to  
Sit on one of the bus benches, legs crossed sitting awkward and uneven, as teenage boys with lengthy limbs often tend to do. Ted placed the plastic bag in his lap, crinkled and covered in the vibrant repeated THANK YOU. “So I was thinkin’ right? If we can’t get it the usual way... and they won’t even if we have a sick person... why not try my own? I dunno why we didn’t think of this before but.” Out of the bag the boy pulls a thermos, the steel stained with fingerprints making the reflections hazy on its dull surface, peeking a bit Bill could see ripped open blood bags, a uneven job but he got the point- before a word was said it was thrust into his hands. “This way, we don’t have to do some good trickery and! You don’t gotta attack people.” He beamed. “Excellent!” The boys yelled in unison again, sparking another rousing little air guitar sesh.

“Ted, you have no idea how much I owe you.” Bill started. “You don’t owe be anything dude, well... maybe for the thermos.” He shrugged, pushed against by the smaller who elbowed him. They chuckled sitting their leaned against one another, immortal and mortal, the blood was still warm. It was sweet and a bit salty and tangy and- it tasted like Ted. A million good and warm things at once, his laugh, his smarts and humor all of it. It sounded weird for him to say it but... he was tasty.“Dude your staring!” “Am not!”

Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bogus after all.


End file.
